Carry On Doctor

The United Patients Alliance
Is neither illegal or is it proscribed
And it's always fightin' for freedom
Well that's how I've heard it described
Now I know of a Keady campaigner
A fella who's from anglin' roots
You're unlikely to see him line dancin'
Or with a wardrobe full of pin stripe suits
He strongly believes in live and let live
And to each girl and fella his own
If an Oz with a kilt can cry FREEDOM
Then PD'll have a go on his own
Freedom to buy yourself Bacon Fries
And hoop and holler and shout
In twenty four hour fillin' stations
When you don't give a feck who's about
Freedom to grow your hair how you want
With a pony tail pig tails or plaits
And makin' his Da and me jealous
Cos our heads would be coul' without hats
Now when it comes to serious illness
There should be no price
And if freedom can put a big grin on a face
The government shouldn' think twice
When it comes to helpin' your loved ones
You would do anything that you hadda
Maybe start a herbal allotment
And grow a wee plant like tomata
Cos with illnesses out there
That cause heartache and pain
Should there be cannaboids if we need em?
Tho' it works in countries like Holland
You need to be careful with freedom....
Freedom to buy nurses fog lights
They can fit to the trolleys and chairs
So they can see where they're goin'
And don't push their patients downstairs
Cos whenever they let MS patients
Bring Mary Jane round the place
The wards will be full of so much roly smoke
You'll not see an inch from your face
And the diabetics will love it
From Randalstown to Ranfurley
Cos who gives a feck when you're high as a kite
If your doctor says no Curly Wurly
And the dentist well he'll be delighted
When you need no fillins at all
As you gaze at his pretty assistant
With eyes like rollin' dogs balls
And if poor folks who have epilepsy
Take a wee turn when downtown
Think of how much cooler they'll look
In a fit when they move like James Brown
But I see the biggest bonus of all
In fightin' the Alzeimers fight
Cos if you can't recall
When you last had a spliff
You can smoke as much as you like!!
So regarding the Patients Alliance
If it goes to a vote just say yes
Get rid of the oul' No Hash Service
And give us a new NHS.

Byro - December 2017